Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
