took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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