$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
