i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
