I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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