Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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