the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
