Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
