Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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