Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
