dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I touched a dick in church today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
