How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We have started to decorate penises.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
