Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I intend to get homeless drunk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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