TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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