You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
