No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
