dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
