the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
