Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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