I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
