I'm drive I can fine osifer
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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