My hand turned me down
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Are my feet made of real feet?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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