I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
