i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
