Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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