i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
