His pubic hair was longer than his dick
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
