Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
