just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
