five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you are never too drunk for berry picking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
