I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
