Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
