i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
