Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
