She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
