we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
should my penis look like a turkey
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
