i just had sex bonerless
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
