I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
