i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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