I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
