I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is the high leading the old right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
