dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
