More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
