Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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