I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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