So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
