sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's not a foreskin expert like you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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