I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
