I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
