P.S. I can't hear my feet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
