I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
