If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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