Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
