maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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