Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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